Chapter 20
Disappointment
“Anne.”
A mat was spread out in the garden. Diana hesitated a little. Was it really proper for a noble to lie down in the open garden like this? Even as young as she was, she already knew that people talked a lot about her mother’s origins.
The daughter of a wealthy merchant who had purchased a noble title. Even though buying a title was not illegal, the words “merchant’s daughter” followed her mother persistently, like a curse.
Her mother used to say that it didn’t matter whether one was a merchant or a noble. And Diana believed she was right.
“Under that sky, we’re all the same. Everyone is precious.”
Her father taught her pride in nobility, but her mother taught her that all people deserve respect.
“Anne, isn’t it beautiful?”
Her mother smiled brightly as she stroked Diana’s hair.
“Mother, if you like looking at the stars so much, why did you name me Diana? Diana is the moon, not the stars.”
At that, her mother simply laughed softly.
“Because it’s the biggest thing up there.”
“……”
“And the most magnificent too.”
Such a simple reason. Her mother brushed Diana’s hair with tender affection.
“My sweet little rabbit.”
“Don’t call me that. I’m grown up now.”
“……”
“I’ll grow up quickly and help you. I’ll take care of Alexa in your place too.”
Was it because of the moonlight reflecting in her eyes? Her mother’s silver-gray pupils shone as if unusually bright.
“You don’t need to do anything.”
“……”
“Anne, you have your mother. You don’t need to try to be an adult.”
Her mother pulled her into a tight embrace and pressed a kiss to her forehead. The soft touch made Diana giggle, tickled by it. Yes, there was a time when she too was under someone’s protection.
“When you find yourself alone one day, Anne… you must find an adult who will protect you.”
“Someone who will protect me?”
“That person will be…”
And her mother whispered a great secret. After that night, her mother fell ill and never again went out to look at the stars. In the end, Diana cried so much that she forgot those words — words that were meant as her mother’s legacy.
The feeling after crying her heart out was oddly refreshing. Diana now sat beside Giscar. When she settled on the bench, he stood before her. He said nothing. She wasn’t sure if he pitied her or looked down on her.
It didn’t matter. If anything, she almost hoped he pitied her. Maybe then he wouldn’t become cruel.
“I must have looked pathetic.”
Diana lifted her head to the sky again. The heavens were as clear as they had been back then. Her mother’s warmth, her gentle hands, her love — she missed them with an ache that pierced deep. But she wiped her tears away.
It would have been better to wake up in the past, when her mother was still alive. She would have dragged her mother out to see the stars, even if it had been too much. Pointless now. Diana bit her lip.
She was no longer the little rabbit her mother had adored. She had to protect this place now. No more sadness. This was happiness. From the kingdom of Lodbrok, she had yearned so desperately for Farnborough, for the Brienne ducal estate.
“I am happy now, aren’t I? Wanting everything to be perfect is just greed.”
She gave a bitter smile.
“Happiness?”
Giscar rarely spoke up, but now he did. His brows furrowed as if he’d just heard something absurd. In that moment, she realized her words had sounded like the complacent musings of someone who had too much.
“Yes. I am happy. If I were truly miserable, would we be sitting here peacefully watching the stars together?”
That much was true. In Lodbrok’s royal palace, they could never have idled side by side, gazing at the stars. Giscar was unhappy. She was happy. That was the truth.
Diana muttered softly, almost to herself. It wasn’t meant to convince him. Which was why she didn’t notice his hand twitch slightly. A child crying so innocently, then collecting herself so maturely — perhaps it was that contradiction that left the boy frozen, unsure of what to do.
“Giscar.”
“……”
“Thank you for finding me.”
“……”
“If I’m ever missing from the house, I’ll always be here.”
Seeing her face flushed red like a rabbit, Giscar only nodded. When she rose as if to leave, he suddenly stiffened, his face hardening with resolve.
“My lady.”
“Yes?”
“Lady Mirva… she won’t be easy to drive away.”
“What?”
Diana hadn’t mentioned Mirva to him. Yet he seemed to know roughly what was happening. Just as he had in her previous life. But then, why… why had he brought Mirva into the royal palace of Lodbrok back then? Her thoughts scattered when he continued speaking.
She wanted to know the truth. She had to know. Diana quickened her steps. The duke’s bedchamber was upstairs, just above her own. When she set foot on that corridor, a knight blocked her path.
“You may not pass.”
“What?”
“His Grace ordered that no one be allowed in today.”
“Why? Did something happen?”
“He said he wanted to rest alone.”
There was pity in the knight’s eyes. Realizing it, Diana drew a sharp breath. In her past life too, her father had placed guards at the entrance of his chamber. She had thought it was because of assassination threats. Now she knew better. If it had been assassination, knights would have been stationed right at his door, not down the hall.
“I see. Then may I at least fetch a book from Father’s study?”
She pointed to the study nearby on the same floor. The knight nodded.
Inside the study, Diana inhaled deeply. She knew of a secret passage leading to her father’s room. Her father and brother had shown it to her years ago, before leaving for war against Lodbrok.
It wasn’t much of a secret passage — just a switch to pull and a bookcase to push aside.
That corridor led directly to his chamber. She knew she shouldn’t. But Giscar’s words had driven her to see for herself.
She stepped into the passage. Before long, she heard sounds. Sweet, breathy moans.
For an instant she thought to turn back. But as if possessed, she crept closer.
Why had Giscar told her this? Diana bit her lip, her hands trembling violently. She pressed both hands over her mouth and listened at the hidden door.
“Ah, Your Grace!”
A wet, breathy voice. Mirva’s voice. Your Grace. That meant her father. Absurdly, though it was his chamber, Diana still doubted and doubted again.
Her father’s voice hadn’t sounded yet. Maybe that vile woman had lured in someone else? Maybe Father was away?
But then, when a man’s voice rang out, she could no longer deny it was her father.
“Lady Mirva cannot be easily cast aside.”
“What?”
“She is the Duke’s mistress.”
“……”
“I’ve heard they couple together every day.”
Why had he told her this? Was it pity? At first she denied it. But then she remembered the faint cold smile on Giscar’s lips.
“They’ll be engrossed in it even now.”
Was that mockery? She couldn’t tell. That was why she had come to confirm it herself. And now, hearing her father with another woman — the woman she despised most — was unbearable. She wanted to run, but her legs wouldn’t move.
It was as if she’d forgotten who she was, where she was, and what she was supposed to do.
When it was finally over, quiet voices drifted through.
“My lord, did you scold the young lady harshly?”
“…Moderately.”
“Oh, Your Grace is far too strict with her. She only just lost her mother.”
“I know she tries hard. But she’s too hasty.”
“……”
“If left alone, she’ll settle down by fifteen. No need to stir up strife like this. She wasn’t always like that.”
“……”
“I’ll handle her myself.”
“Very well, do as you like.”
Diana listened numbly. They sounded like a husband and wife. Yes… it was her father’s private life. He hadn’t remarried, but he’d never said he wouldn’t take a woman aside.
“My lord, what if the young lady finds out?”
Diana’s head snapped up. Had they discovered her?
“Find out what?”
“That we love each other.”
At that, Diana bit her lip until it bled. Her father’s voice followed, tinged with laughter.
“She’ll never know.”
“…But I worry. I worry even now. What if she realizes and comes to me like this?”
“Realizes what?”
“That when we arrived at this estate, we were already in love.”
“……”
“You may be her father, but I am only a maid. Would she really forgive the woman who betrayed her mother?”
Diana’s fists trembled. Anger swelled, burning away her numbness.
Resentment toward her father. Rage toward Mirva. All of it blurred together. Her mother had done nothing wrong. Other nobles took second wives — yet her father had supposedly devoted himself only to her mother.
Was it all a lie?
The twelve-year-old Diana of the past would have confronted them on the spot. But the Diana who had lived over twenty years and died once knew how to hide her fury. She gave a bitter smile in the dark.
The world she knew at twelve, and the world she saw now, were utterly different. Giscar had been right: Mirva was not someone who could simply be driven out. Her father was deeply attached to this maid. Unlike with her mother.
It’s fine.
She repeated it to herself over and over. Grief for her poor mother. Disappointment in her father. The paradise she had longed for while rotting away in Lodbrok was nothing but a lie.
“As for the young lady, you swore never to lay a hand on her.”
“Yes.”
“Then trust me. I’ll make sure she causes no more trouble. I’ll turn her back into a docile little girl.”
Mirva’s coquettish tone carried a strange lingering weight.