~Chapter 39~
Words Have No Power
Blair headed toward the greenhouse in the rear garden where Agnes would be waiting.
Agnes, who had been reading a book, noticed Blair entering the greenhouse and stood up to greet her.
“You look healthier today, Madam.”
There seemed to be no particular meaning behind Agnes’s words, but Blair felt strangely guilty.
A month ago, when she had been caught by Herdin and could hardly leave the bedroom.
Blair had been unable to meet Agnes for ten days.
Either because she couldn’t leave the bedroom after being caught by Herdin, or because even on the days he was gone she was too exhausted and ended up sleeping.
Then when she finally met Agnes again after ten days, Agnes had worried that she seemed to have lost weight.
Mason would never reveal the circumstances of the master and mistress to others, but Blair had still felt uncomfortable about it.
So of course her complexion would be better today.
The person who had tormented her nights had disappeared.
Blair asked calmly as if nothing were wrong.
“Is that so?”
“Yes.
Maybe because the weather has gotten warmer?
Anyway, I’m glad you seem to be healthier again.”
After finishing their greetings, the two began chatting lightly about everyday matters.
Mostly Agnes talked about small incidents involving her family, while Blair spoke about Pippi’s growth and her feelings about it.
“Shall we talk about memories related to fire today?
Memories from before the accident are fine, and memories from after the accident are fine too.
It would be even better if they’re memories you can talk about comfortably.”
Just as Agnes was about to begin the counseling session as usual, Blair interrupted her.
“Um, Madam.”
“Yes.”
“When would it be possible to try hypnosis?”
At the sudden word, Agnes’s gaze toward Blair deepened.
“Something must have happened.”
Instead of answering, Blair’s eyes trembled.
The Blair Agnes had observed was someone who couldn’t lie.
“May I ask what happened?
Of course, only if telling me would make you feel more at ease.”
When Blair hesitated, Agnes added as if she could read her thoughts.
“I won’t tell His Grace what you say from now on.
It will be our secret.”
It had already been agreed that Agnes would report the counseling content to Herdin.
This counseling was part of the process of approaching the truth of the incident from ten years ago.
After hesitating for a moment, Blair parted her lips.
“You said you have served the House of Delmark for a long time, didn’t you?”
“Yes.
Both my husband and I were born into vassal families of Delmark.”
Even after hearing that answer, Blair remained silent for a long time before carefully asking,
“What kind of person is the Duke, in your opinion?”
In her previous life, and again after returning to the past, she had become his wife.
They had spent many nights together and knew even the most intimate parts of each other.
Yet she still didn’t understand him.
What he was really thinking, whether he was truly such a terrible person that he would try to kill her.
She had heard that Agnes had counseled Herdin ten years ago when he lost his parents in a sudden accident.
If it was her, she might know him better.
At least more than herself, a wife only in name.
“I… still don’t understand him.”
Seeing her own eyes reflected in the teacup, Blair lowered her gaze.
At this moment, she hoped no one would notice the emotions reflected in her eyes.
Not even herself.
* * *
“Your Grace, I’ve returned—”
Ruth frowned as he entered the office.
The moment he opened the door, thick cigar smoke rushed out.
The entire office was filled with smoke.
‘Just when I thought he had reduced it after getting married.’
Herdin was a heavy smoker.
After his marriage he had seemed to restrain himself for a while, but he hadn’t lasted even a few months before returning to his old habits.
It seemed to have started again about half a month ago.
‘That’s around when he stopped sleeping with Madam, I think…
Could it just be coincidence?’
But his lord had also seemed more irritable around that time.
After pondering briefly, Ruth dismissed the thought.
The affairs between his lord and his wife were not something he should try to know, nor something he needed to know.
Herdin set down the cigar and asked,
“How did it go?”
“It was resolved just as you wanted.
The price negotiation went well, and the transaction has begun.”
“Good work.
You can go now.”
Ruth looked at the office filled with cigar smoke and almost added a word of nagging before closing his mouth.
Herdin was quite generous toward his subordinates, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t frightening.
For whatever reason, Herdin was clearly in a bad mood right now, and it would be best not to go against it.
“Then I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Ruth bowed his head after gathering the documents.
Herdin returned the greeting with a nod.
After Ruth left the office, only silence remained in the room, quiet enough to hear the ticking of the clock.
Herdin’s gaze, while smoking his cigar, fell on the desk.
On the neatly organized desk, Blair’s image surfaced in his mind.
The woman who had been sprawled across his desk.
Just imagining it made desire rise like pain.
Irritation surged.
It had already been half a month since he had gone to see Blair.
Just because she didn’t resist didn’t mean it wasn’t forced.
After realizing that she had been desperately enduring those nights, it had left a foul taste in his mouth.
It felt like opening a gift box only to find nothing inside.
Herdin extinguished the cigar he had been holding and stood up.
When he glanced out the window absentmindedly, he saw Blair outside.
Blair was with Agnes.
It seemed they were returning after finishing counseling in the greenhouse.
Suddenly, the face that had glared at him with tearful eyes came to mind.
And the trembling voice as well.
‘I really hate you…’
Words had no power.
A gaze had no strength.
So those things could not possibly wound him.
But the way his wife had said those words and looked at him as if they were powerful attacks had been ridiculous and absurd.
That must be why he kept thinking about it.
Just as Herdin turned his gaze away from that face—
‘Again…’
Something churned inside him, and his vision turned white.
At the same time Blair’s face appeared.
In the memory, Blair was wearing a wedding dress.
But it wasn’t the wedding he remembered.
Because Blair’s face beneath the lifted veil looked clearly tense.
She lifted her lowered gaze slightly, met his eyes, and froze for a moment before hurriedly looking away as if coming back to her senses.
‘During the actual wedding she had looked completely indifferent.’
The moment Herdin realized that fact, the memories that had suddenly appeared vanished as if erased.
What exactly were these memories?
Why were memories that were not his own appearing again and again?
While he was trying to calm the confusion in his mind, a knock sounded.
“Your Grace.
May I come in?”
It was Agnes’s voice.
“Come in.”
Herdin sat leaning against the window frame.
Agnes entered the office and began reporting the contents of today’s counseling session.
Leaving out the conversation she had promised Blair to keep secret.
In truth, telling Herdin that story might help the two of them more.
But she had no intention of revealing it.
This was a matter between the two of them.
Intervening when the other party did not want it would only be arrogance and rudeness.
When the report ended, Herdin, who had been silently listening, changed the subject.
“There’s something I want to ask you.”
“Yes.”
“Déjà vu… does that only occur when a similar situation actually happens?”
Herdin asked because of the memories that had suddenly appeared before Agnes arrived.
Whenever those memories surfaced, his first thought had been that although he had clearly never experienced it, it felt as though he had.
That was similar to déjà vu.
“Yes.
You can’t feel déjà vu before the situation occurs.”
But the memories that kept appearing were completely different from the current situation, so it seemed far from déjà vu.
Then what should he call these memories that appeared out of nowhere?
At that moment, something Blair had once said came to mind.
‘I… can see the future.’
Could it be that, just as she said, he had somehow begun seeing the future or some illusion?
But Herdin soon closed his eyes irritably and erased that voice.
Seeing the future—what nonsense.
To even consider something so absurd for a moment.
It couldn’t possibly be true.
And it absolutely must not be true.
Watching him with a puzzled expression, Agnes asked,
“Is something wrong?”
“…No, I think I’ve just been a little tired lately.”
“If you ever need my help, please let me know anytime.”
“I will.
You may leave now.”
Agnes bowed and left the office.
Herdin ran a hand through his hair and leaned his aching head against the cold window.
The chill eased his headache a little.
After cooling his head, Herdin stood up and headed toward the study.
There was much he needed to investigate.
* * *
The carriage carrying Agnes arrived at the Loreline estate.
The servants and the butler, who had been waiting for their mistress to return, greeted Agnes as she stepped down from the carriage.
“Welcome back, Madam.”
But their expressions were somewhat dark.
Before Agnes could even ask, noticing their mood, the butler spoke first.
“You have a visitor waiting.”
When visiting a noble house, even family members usually made arrangements at least two days in advance.
Since no such arrangement had been made, this visitor must either be someone rude and unpleasant—or someone who had no need to show her courtesy.
One person came to mind.
“Did someone from the imperial family come?”
“Yes.
Countess Magrid has arrived.”
Agnes’s expression hardened.
Among the nobles of this empire, no one failed to know that Countess Magrid was the closest lady-in-waiting to Katrina.
From the moment Blair’s counseling began, Herdin had expected that someday Katrina would learn about it.
He had warned Agnes about it beforehand.
‘If someone from the Grand Empress Dowager comes, say that you’re conducting counseling for my wife’s psychological treatment.
If she says it’s for her daughter, they won’t be able to object.’
Herdin had said that and then added,
‘There’s no need to be nervous.
Don’t forget that Delmark stands behind you.’
Remembering those words, Agnes smiled.
It made her realize once again that the boy who had been so fragile after losing his parents had grown into someone whom no one could treat carelessly.
And that that person was now her lord.
Repeating those words to herself, Agnes headed toward the reception room and instructed the butler,
“Bring some tea.”